At Wildflower Home, we welcome single mothers and pregnant mothers. Most of them are from different hill tribes originally from Myanmar; they are less educated and some are without citizen status or undocumented and, therefore, more vulnerable. Along the Myanmar border, in Tak province, close to where Sofia and Arlene work, live the Hmong tribe. After elementary school, the girls stop going to school and help their families in the rice fields and gardens with the goal of getting married as soon as possible. If a boy and girl of this age are seen to be hanging out together a little too often, there will be some pressure from the villagers and the families to organize a wedding. Some girls have a boyfriend that nobody knows about until the day they get pregnant…out of wedlock! If such a situation occurs, the man should marry the woman and take her as his first spouse or second spouse, depending on the circumstances. However, he can also reject her. A pregnant woman or a single mother without a husband is a curse for the family and the village and many of these Hmong women end up at Wildflower Home. We have also the case of unhappy married women: they are forced to marry a man they do not love and this man turns out to be an alcoholic, drug addict and/or a violent person. Recently, we have received three such women; the rumor runs in the village that they can come to our place for safety. Unfortunately, when a rumor gets passed around, it is likely that others will find out and some of these men track down their wives to Wildflower Home and bring the whole family to beg the women to come back. I do not know how much they love their wives, but I know that these men and their families are very preoccupied with not losing face.
Mali came to us at the end of February. Mali got married when she was 14 to a Hmong man who, exceptionally, was a Christian. She converted to Christianity for her wedding and had two
children. This man mistreated her and she asked the head of the village to approve a divorce. Because she asked for the divorce, the man has all the rights to their offspring and therefore, her oldest child went to live with him and she never saw him again. She returned to her family with her second child. She fell in love with a second man who already had a wife and children. This man and his wife refused to accept Mali as “the second wife” (mia noi). Mali got pregnant and, up to 8 months into her pregnancy, hoped with all her heart that this man would change his mind. But, he didn’t, and this is how she came to Wildflower Home. The week after, I accompanied her to a medical check-up; it was her first since the beginning of her pregnancy. The medical team of the local hospital detected some abnormalities in her child and sent her for an ultrasound at the general hospital, which, in turn, transferred her to a specialized hospital. The following night, Mali suddenly went into labor, was rushed to the hospital, and gave birth to a microcephalic child. The child was born on March 8. The medical team told us that they did not know how long the baby would live—one day? One week? One month? One year? They told us to give him a lot of comfort, love, and care. Mali came back with her baby after one week, but a few days later, the little boy stopped eating and his body temperature dropped dramatically. We rushed Mali and her child to the hospital where we were told that the baby was dying and they gave her the choice of either leaving the baby at the hospital with or without life support, or, to return home. Mali chose to come back home. I spoke to the other mothers in our community about the fragile state of Mali’s son and took special care to listen and explain the situation to the other Hmong women who believe deeply in the presence of ghosts. In the end, we all decided to accompany and respect Mali’s wishes regarding her child. The following night, her little boy passed away.Now comes the interesting part of the story. Mali wanted a Christian funeral and burial and we offered to bury her child on the Wildflower Home grounds. Our Thai staff strongly opposed this option and quickly organized an appointment for the cremation of the child at 1:30 PM while we were waiting for a priest to come lead a Christian ceremony at 3 PM. The priest told us that we could bury the child on the grounds if we did it discretely. However, the Thai staff alerted the police and the hospital and wanted everything to be done “by the book” and according to Thai law. We suspected that they were also afraid of ghosts. There was no available space in the Catholic cemetery so we found a site in a Protestant cemetery in town. Even then, the Thai staff insisted that we have all the official papers in order…ouf!
Around 2 PM, the women were invited to prepare the “sala”, our common area, for the ceremony. They decorated the area with plenty of colorful flowers. The workers made the coffin and by 3, our entire community of women, children, workers, and volunteers were present to say our last words to Mali’s son. I realized, while looking at the coffin, that this child was among the weakest babies we had ever had at Wildflower Home.
There are very few chances that a baby will be Christian in Thailand. But this very little soul had the power to gather all of us and make us reflect about the gift of life and love. We lived a very strong moment in community and I cannot help but think that Jesus was involved somehow.
Andrée:)
